Warning: This is not a typical Boy Mama Teacher Mama post you are about to read. I wrote this as part of Picklebum’s “Real Life Wednesday” series which I love to write for. Click the link if you want to read more about “Real Life Wednesday” and read on if you dare…. 🙂
Real life hit hard today. Some days are better than other days. And some days just suck. Some days I feel like I can conquer the world- like I am super-mom and can do it all and more. Then, there are other days when getting out of bed in the morning takes every bit of energy I have and the thought of facing two young kids and the day ahead is almost unbearable. I have these days. I always wonder if other people have these kinds of days too. Days when you feel like the only thing in the world that will make you feel better is to sit with a dear friend and cry and talk until the hurt and the sadness go away, but other days the thought of letting someone “in” is too much, too scary and takes too much energy so I just dive deeper into myself. But as a mom you really cannot have these kinds of days, can you? Not like before kids when you could stay in bed all day and and allow yourself to be one with these feelings. With kids, you HAVE to get up. You HAVE to make them breakfast and you HAVE to get them to school. There are too many “have-to-do’s” when you are mom for those kinds of days. And today was one of those kinds of days. I did all the have-to-do’s and I did them with a smile painted on my face but, inside, I was drowning. I was coming apart and was afraid I would just melt into nothing, but I HAD to keep it together. I HAD to smile. I HAD to stay afloat. I could not melt away. When my youngest went down for his nap, I laid myself down in my bed, surrounded by my two snoring pugs, put a pillow over my head and sank into that “place” for just a while. It felt good to be there for a bit. To feel those feelings and not HAVE to hide them away from the world. To melt just a bit felt good. But then the alarm went off and all the “have-to-do’s” were there again. I HAD to get up, I HAD to wake my youngest and I HAD to get my son from school. And I did. And, now as my son lays sleeping beside me I am allowing those feelings to creep back in, but instead of taking them to my bed or sinking deep, deep inside them, I am writing them down hoping that this task of writing will keep me from sinking too deep or hurting too much. I am hoping because there is one big, important “want-to-do” as well. I WANT to be a good mom for my boys.
This post is dedicated to K.C. Love you friend!
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